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Tuesday, September 2, 2014

He's Got Me Covered!

Despicable me. Me so lacking, me so ugly, me so selfish. Me blackened by years of sin, layer on layer, with not one righteous act or thought. Me who Jesus died for. Because of His blood, I am covered and God sees the new, clean me, totally acceptable. Worthy to be in His presence. That is a concept the lost don't get! I was despicable, deserving to be despised. I was worthless, dirty, and wretched. No, the lost don't get it....I didn't get it. I knew there was a God. I knew the Bible stories, but it didn't touch me, and it certainly didn't affect how I lived.

It was a life of fun, few morals, selfish, and lived in the fast lane. I wanted to feel good, look good, and not worry about anyone but me. I had long since stopped going to church. I was a free spirit of the 60s and 70s. I went to work, I shopped, I drank, and wanted only a good time. I began to get interested in the occult. I spent time and money on books, spells, Taro cards, and all things from the dark side... Witchcraft, Transendental Meditation, and satanism. I took the training for meditation, was ceremoniously given my secret word or mantra for meditating, and was convinced by these deceivers
that it was relaxing, and beneficial to me and my world.

I was so far into the dark side of satan's world, I would never have made it out, if God had not stepped in. It took a while for Him to get my attention, but He never gave up. God knows who will accept Him and who will not. He and only He knew what I needed, knew what it would take, and when to reach me. At first He quietly was leading me away from my horrible life. He was in the background leading me one step at a time to where all things could fall into place to get me from where I was to where He was. He started working through other believers; my husband, my sister-in-law, and Billy Graham. Although I didn't want any of what they were telling me, I know God allowed enough to seep into my blackened heart to prepare the way. Little by little He was leading and orchestrating until He got us to Tucson, Arizona to visit John's brother, and my sister-in-law. She had been praying and I had no idea it was all arrainged like a beautiful song...a song my soul needed.

I came face to face with Jesus in my sister-in-law's kitchen the second morning, while she prayed in the next room. A T.V. Evangelist caught my attention, and I gave my heart, and my life to Jesus. When you make that decision, a joy and peace flows over you like nothing you have experienced before. I simply could not stop smiling! I didn't even understand it all, but I knew the despicable me was gone. It wasn't overnight, or instant, and it will always be about growing and learning. As I have come to know Jesus through His word, spending time with Him, seeing miracles in my life only He could do, I have been able to see myself as He sees me. I am able to love others, to put others first, and am willing to serve and be used by Him.

I fall back some days, sometimes a lot of days, but Jesus is always there to catch me and send me forward again. I learn, I forget; I doubt, I fall; but He never let's go of me! I have hope, I know He has a plan for my life only I can do, and my joy is not what the world sees as joy! One thing I do know....He hears me when I cry, He comforts me, He never leaves me, and He loves me more than His own life. I know when I die, or Jesus returns for His children, I will walk out of this life and into the next for eternity! I have chosen Him, because He first chose me!