Then one day disaster strikes. Out of the blue we get blind sided. Maybe the doctor tells us we have an illness, or a family member has died. There are all kinds of struggles in our lives. We are the product of all those things that happen to us. Why do we have to have problems in our lives? Why do we have to face physical, mental, and financial disasters? I have been convinced that whatever we face, it is for our good.
I have had many times in my Christian walk, when I was desperate to have peace. I thought the problem would go on for ever. I prayed, I begged, I cried, and the situation did not change. It went on relentlessly with no foreseeable solution. Then one day, God moved, and things righted themselves, and the sun came out again. Why? I can honestly say that each trial was consequences of sin on my part. It was a loving Father's way to get my attention, and to teach me.
Over and over Jesus has patiently led me through some very scary things. He has each time personnally shown me my pride, or my selfishness, or my covering my sin to stay out of trouble. Each time He has answered my prayers, not according to what I wanted, but what He knew was best for me. Each answer was far better than anything I could have dreamed. From the time I was a little girl, I believed no one would love the real me. No one would love the little girl who did something wrong. So to protect that flawed image, I lied so no one would know I was weak, and made mistakes, and messed up over and over.
Jesus over 30 some years changed that. I wish I could tell you it was an easy journey, but I can't. It is never easy to be confronted with your weakness, your sin, your pride. Jesus lovingly did that for me. I am sorry to say I was a very slow learner. Over and over Jesus taught me, and set me on the right path, and through it all loved me! I have been blessed far beyond what I deserve. What I deserved was death....the death He took my place for on the cross.
Over the years I also live with chronic pain. I have cried out, "Why me, Lord?" In love He answered, "Why not you?" Whatever I have endured, there were always rainbows after the tears. Scripture says, "Joy comes in the morning." All my walk with Jesus is a part of my story. My scars inside and out are my story. You see, He has shaped me, and changed me. Because of my story, I can reach out to others who are hurting. I can lead others to a saving relationship with Jesus, because I once was lost.
I have a calm, and a spirit that trusts my Lord with everything. It takes a lot of pressure off me, and allows me to rest in His wisdom! I know I am never alone. I have an advocate who is for me. I have joy in my spirit, even when my world is falling apart. Jesus did all that for me. I do not have this down perfect yet, and I never will until God calls me home, but I am getting better with each lesson learned!