I grew up not knowing you. Oh, I knew who you were, and I was told the stories, but you weren't really real to me! I am sorry! Easter and Christmas were about gifts, candy, and fun! That's all I knew. I never even wondered about it until I started thinking about death, and being very scared. I know that was you getting my attention. I'm sorry it took me so long.
My first memory of you was when I was four. I hated Sunday School, and always fussed about going. My parents bribed me with a puppy. The really sad thing is, from that point on I was in Church every Sunday. Through grade school, high school, college, anytime there was something going on, I was there. I didn't go for you, JESUS. I'm sorry. I went because that's just what we did, I went because of my friends, I went because I had new clothes to show off.
When I was in my 30s, I really worried I would go to hell, because I knew I was bad. I still did not know you, and all I had was Church ritual. I could not feel you close to me. I was never taught the Gospel as you lived it. I sat in the quiet and empty Catholic Church I had joined, and prayed I could be as good as Mary, so maybe...just maybe I could go to heaven! Death and hell terrified me. I'm sorry.
From that point on you started to move me closer to you and truth. You introduced me to the man I would marry, and he was a believer in you, personally. I didn't understand that then, but you kept pulling me forward. You sent us to Arizona to visit my brother and sister-in-law. She had been praying for me, because she knew I was lost. At her kitchen table, you moved me to take you as my personal Savior! She had her TV on a Christian channel. You knew I was afraid of death and eternity, so you had the speaker talk about the end times.
As he talked about what people would face in the end times, if they hadn't accepted you he also talked about those who were born again believers, and how they would be taken up into heaven with you. It was the first time I understood your Gospel message, it was the first time, I knew I wanted to be yours for ever. I prayed to receive you, to ask forgiveness, and to open my heart to you! You already know the joy I felt. You
made me into a new creation! Did I tell you Thank You?
I thank you for all you suffered for me. I thank you for bringing me to my knees, I thank you for the ultimate love you surround me with! When I think about not only suffering and dying for me, but also all the blessings, and teachings you have given me over the years, Thank You seems so insignificant. You know my heart, JESUS, so you know how much I have grown to love you! If asked to deny you, I would not! You become more important to me every day. For that I am grateful. Even in hard times and pain filled times, You are my all! For that I Thank You! I will cry today, Good Friday in memory of what you suffered for me, but Sunday is coming, and I will rejoice! I am glad you are my friend, my teacher, and my Abba Father!
Love, Your Daughter
Carolyn
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